i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
