I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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