Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
