proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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