On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
