im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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