if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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