Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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