you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As shirtless as possible
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
