everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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