I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
