The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
