somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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