This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
