Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
