So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
