Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
