You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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