Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
