Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I FOUND THE LEGS
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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