Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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