My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
