I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
