final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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