You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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