I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
