I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.