ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.