Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.