It was confusing and full of hummus
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
