Who wears a wallet chain?!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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