Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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