Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
