good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
