Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
