I will die if light touches me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize