I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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