Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
