I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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