i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
