im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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