its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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