no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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