I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
