how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
