There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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