I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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