btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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