So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
