blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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