Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
