So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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