I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
