is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
