I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
