Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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