ugly people sure do ruin things
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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