Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
