I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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