so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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